Can you escape the unending sense of exclusion, denial? When you’re shut down? Or deemed unworthy of expressing an opinion, let alone that opinion being valued? In short: When did sexism actually stop?
The first answer is yes, you can escape. The degree of “-ic’s”, “-ist’s” and “-ism’s” encountered in life seem to be based on one thing… and it might not be what you expect.
Everyone is Embroiled
No matter where your think others are in the “strata”, you would be wrong.
Consider an acquaintance, a Broadway star, who just won the Tony award. You’d think they were at the pinnacle of their career, right? The height of achievement? You would be wrong. They were at the end of their career, as their hit show spread across the country. Other cast members proliferated, playing their role. The role they brought to life could be duplicated and copied, eliminating their relevance. They were left with nothing.
Welcome to a wakeup call. We are all embroiled… all struggling.
Were they victim to an “-ic”? Stripped of their worth by a transphobic or homophobic threat? Possibly. But more likely we find ourselves at a transition point. Once it was one Nation, under God. Now it is one World, under the Elites. And even the Elites have their own kind of mess.
Change You
Our lives are full of slights, not belonging, dismissals, and feeling “less than”. Worse, it’s often about something you can’t control – like your sex.
We find ourselves physically bruised, or attacked verbally. Molested on the school bus, in stores, or in church. Places that should be safe, but are not. It comes from those who see themselves as “above” it all, seeking to belittle you so they can feel strong. We find them both in and out of the workplace.
The hardest lesson is powerful yet revolting – possibly the greatest universal truth on the planet. You can’t control others but you can control you.
Let’s take that a step further: You can’t change yourself, but you can change your position (maybe).
Or maybe not, if you don’t have the interest, diligence, or means to get the skills.
When Dismissal is Good
Dismissal often means you haven’t done enough. Haven’t achieved enough. You haven’t put in enough time, effort, or thought.
Did someone not respond to your request? Then you know it could be you. It opens the door of opportunity, to discover what you could do to change the dynamic.
As for the real ic’s, ist’s, and ism’s: You will know when the situation is not right. Deep, deep in your guts. So, leave the situation. There’s nothing like competition for talent. Organizations that lose your talent will decline.
However, possibly despite better judgment, I never left when I encountered situations such as this. Interestingly, it turned out that the offending parties left the situation before I did. Whether it was a firing, a layoff, or just an all-around relationship dissolution, they disappeared. Call it what you will – luck, blessedness, instant karma. But vistas opened as every dreg fell out and away from my path. Dogged stick-with-it-ness, then, may not be a bad option.
Where Technology Comes In
Working in technology is no different. It’s a place where many women and girls still do not gravitate. Lament runs deep when so few women, if any, apply for my open positions. Further, that only some women of color apply (not a fully diverse landscape of women of color). Why is that?
Still, it’s a blessing that we may find the most diversity in our lives via the workplace. And, we’re blessed to experience working together so well professionally. So why not apply the same “professional” approach to every situation? Could we treat each other like coworkers, at work as well as in life? Because aren’t we all on this planet working at something?
If not our careers, we’re “working” on ourselves, our kids, our survival. We’re helping others. We’re making the world go ‘round. And counterbalancing good with the opposing forces we struggle against. We each have our role in a workforce of humanity.
So, When Did Sexism Stop?
With position. Upon reaching a certain level of experience and title, of output and accomplishment, it stopped. Prior to that, daily life meant the dismissal of contributions and the brain. And that was by people who included references to excrement in their web startup company names and filled their code with the same, no less. Needless to say: it didn’t say much about them.
But too personally, despite logic, some part of you may still believe you’re less. And well, maybe you were saying something less intelligent. Maybe you did need more experience.
But you soon learn that on this planet, the key is resolute tenacity.
Now, Work.
And work. Then work some more.
Years of toil.
Till it feels like your eyes might bleed and your brain might melt.
Till you’re worn down to a nub, and can’t get your being to squeeze out another drop.
On the caffeinated overnights and terrorizing days, you’re there.
In a place where you get nothing: no riches, no spoils.
Yet, a place where you might just catch whiffs of belonging, satisfying your basic human need.
Is it worth it? Will you fight for it? Will you Rolling Stone-it, and not always get what you want, but get what you need? Will you Dolly-it, and pour yourself a cup of ambition? Will you Kanye-it, this week mopping floors, and next week it’s the fries?
It is worth it. Because the ic’s are just ick. The ism’s create schisms. And the ist’s – well, they’re good to Resist.
As the ic’s, ism’s, and ist’s fade, what you have left is you, as it has always been. Look out for number 1. Prove number 2 wrong.
And just maybe, the riches and spoils will come later. If you’re lucky.
As always, I hope you enjoyed this and it brightened your day.
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