Ode to Ye Olde Windows
We could bloviate here about the impact of Windows on the world. How it brought computing to the masses. And how its friendly user interface changed society forever.
But no. This tale is decidedly less lofty.
Let’s talk about when Windows was FUN.
Wait, really?… was there a time when Windows was not considered a crusty old stalwart of the corporate world? When it was not an OS simply trying to keep up with the Apple “cool factor”?
Yes, there was a time… Let’s dig deep… to the little remembered but most hilariously fun thing about Windows 98. I’m going out on a limb here… could it have been the most significant thing about it?…
Think back to your late 90’s office space. What did you hear? The sound of a fax machine. A coffee maker perking. Phones ringing. Folks chatting.
What else? Suddenly, piercing through the white noise and seizing your consciousness:
“Uh oh!”
“Bean.”
“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!”
“Get away from her, you bitch!”
“I’m sorry Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that.”
Why yes… our computers were talking to us, in the language and words that we picked for them.
Then, the laughs and conversation ensued among colleagues. “Oh, you liked that movie too!”, followed by endless more Monty Python citations as the web coding and designing continued.
The Language We Wanted to Hear
We, the early Windows punks, figured out how to change the system and event sounds in the computer to whatever we wanted.
An endless array of short .wav files awaited us on the internet: tiny clips that were quick to download as internet speeds improved. TV shows, sound effects, lines from movies, sitcoms, songs, heck: even R2-D2’s beeps – these were all fair game to customize our system sounds.
With a few clicks, you could turn an ordinary “crash” into the sound of HAL rebuking Dave from the movie 2001. Frustrated when you lost all your work? – Never, with your entertaining sounds.
And we crashed A LOT. So why not make it a joy?
Humanizing the Machine
All of these custom sounds humanized the machine, and transformed it into a whole new interactive entertainment vehicle. One that fostered camaraderie and demanded attention from whomever was close enough to hear it. It wasn’t hard: with our chunky attached speakers, we could make those computers spew lines all day long like a loud, Hollywood mogul.
Imagine 8 sweaty programmers sweltering in a too-hot summer office, Windows machines chirping words, phrases and sounds all around. Over the course of the day, sounds changing as fast as we could download. Laughter forming in waves across the bull pen, as distractions abound. Off we’d go, talking about our favorite scenes from TV shows and movie memories… anything to make your coworker laugh.
If you had a favorite movie, you could even customize your entire system to focus on the sounds and sights of that film. Theme packs of downloadable custom wallpapers and sounds turned your machine into a fun extension of the movie experience. One day, you might feature one movie. And the next day, another. This material was pervasive — part of any major film promotion at the time!
It was just one of many ways to personalize your workspace, much like a framed photo on your desk. (But how in the heck did we have the time to fiddle with this stuff back then?? That leads us to…)
Why Did This Trend Die?
On one hand, the soundscape created an often-hilarious work environment. On the other, the distraction was absurd. Especially as your coworkers installed longer and longer clips to play when the system reminded them to “save” their file before closing. No, I don’t want to hear that five-minute long scene from Star Trek while I’m trying to work, ok?? Enough already!!
So at some point, system sounds just lost their luster, got annoying, and went away. Such that there are almost no system sounds at all on our devices today.
Oh, but what a fun treat while it lasted! 🙂
As always, I hope you enjoyed this and it brightened your day.
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